I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
