I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
