Small penises have feelings too.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
