she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
