Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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