took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
