And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it's like heaven, but drunker
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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