I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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