i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
no, he came in my armpit
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
