dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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