i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you had me at cake vodka
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
