I accidentally had phone sex last night
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
