Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
