No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
