I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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