you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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