Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
