So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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