His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
