I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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