No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
