AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
