dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
