Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
