Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
