Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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