Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
