Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
