Are we in a gay sports bar?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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