Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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