it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i think i have two assholes
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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