ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
