All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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