I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
