In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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