Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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