Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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