Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
