Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
