his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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