So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
