Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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