I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
