12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
