So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
