I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
