...so i touched it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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