I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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