Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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