No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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